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27 February 1997 Edition

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In a letter recently to the Irish News (a paper renowned for its campaigning on behalf of the downtrodden) a member of the Royal Irish Regiment claimed that British soldiers were using drugs in a bid to cope with the long hours they are being forced to work. The RIR man said soldiers are being made to work 120 hours a week and some have recently sought professional medical help. Some have had their weapons confiscated due to the unbalanced state they have been found in. In a well publicised incident soldiers of the 3rd (Co Down and Co Armagh) Battalion were tested for drugs and there have been suspensions, I can reveal.

The RIR soldier who wrote to the press was quoted as saying: ``It is only a matter of time...and by the grace of God that no one has taken their life or anyone else's.''

Two weeks ago a member of an RIR patrol on the main Belfast to Newry road fired a shot as Gerry Adams and Gerry Kelly were stopped at a checkpoint.

 
After an expensive advertising campaign the British army have proudly boasted of how ``16 year olds are queuing up to join the new high-tech army.''

The recruiting campaign aimed at teenagers has ``proved so popular'' that the number of places has been doubled, claims Sergeant Harper. The 40-week training course, which begins in September, will teach the youngsters invaluable skills, including map-reading (for when the patrol wanders into Monaghan Leitrim, Donegal or Louth), weapons use (for cleaning that machine gun at Aughnacloy), and of course now an essential feature of the `professional's' life - military law (Clegg, Thain, Fisher and Wright et al).

Lieutenant Colonel Ken Webb, described as the, ``head of the recruitment section in Ireland'', applauded those school leavers bursting to sign up and, in a final Irish flourish, said that anyone interested must sign up by St Patricks Day, 17 March.

 
Joe Hendron's election machine is cranking slowly into gear, though not without some strange noises and puffs of smoke.

On RTE radio last Sunday he was asked about his prospects of beating Gerry Adams in West Belfast. ``Well, if there had been PR, he [Adams] would never have been elected in the first place,'' said Joe. The interview, perhaps flummoxed, didn't ask the obvious question: ``Yes, and what has that got to do with anything?''

But on Wednesday Joe really got going. In an ad in the Irish News he proposed the important sounding ``Community Task Force Initiative'' (can you hear the trumpets blowing?). Its aim is to ``stimulate public discussion and debate on the long running social problem which is commonly referred to as `joyriding'''. Just a second, hasn't this already been done? Didn't I read about it somewhere? Oh yes, in An Phoblacht. Gerry Adams discussed exactly those issues a fortnight ago in an open forum in Poleglass.

Poor old Joe, late again.

 
Former head of the RUC Jack Hermon has a smart little story, in an otherwise dull autobiography, about a taxi journey to Belgrade. When the taxi driver finds out Hermon is Irish he says, ``Ah, Irish. I love the Irish. I love the IRA.'' Hermon asks him why he likes the IRA. ``They fight the English. I hate the English. They are the suppressors of people. Their Empire, they suppress many people. I hate the English.''

Hermon replies: ``That is not true now. There is no Empire. England has no wish to suppress people. Why do you hate them?''

``Ah! But the English are still English!''

Jack tries a different tack: ``You have many German tourists in your country. How do you feel about them?''

``The Germans, they come here in war, they pay dearly. They come as tourists. They pay dearly.''

``At that,'' Hermon says, ``I thought it best to let sleeping dogs lie, and fell silent in the back of the taxi.''

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