Madonna’s Irish republican guy

‘MR MADONNA’, film director Guy ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’ Ritchie, was in New York just before Christmas to relaunch his crime thriller, Revolver.
A journalist from New York Magazine asked Madge’s English man what his musical tastes are. Madge piped up: “He’s an Irish folk song guy.”
Lest anyone think the gangster movie maker and all-round tough nut is some sort of wimpy Foster & Allen fan, Guy himself added: “I like republican, political...”
Quickly, Madge interjected for the benefit of the assembled US media: “No, not Republican, baby – that’s different here.” And she does know the difference because Madonna’s backing Hillary for the White House.

Gregory’s churl

EAST DERRY DUP talking head Gregory Campbell has said in his New Year message that photographs of Sinn Féin and DUP members smiling together have given a misleading impression that his party enjoys working alongside republicans.
“In 2008, we have to dispel the impression that DUP is enjoying doing business with Sinn Féin,” Greg – a man not noted for enjoying himself – said.
“This is not merely some quibble of who stands beside whom in photographs but is a definitive message being given to present and future generations about how former terrorists must be treated by democrats.”
It was a pity that Greg’s lecture about democrats and terrorists came out just hours before the release by the Public Records Office of secret government files from 1977 about the United Ulster Action Committee strike. Officials at the NIO were exploring how Ian Paisley might even have his clerical collar felt on charges of “conspiracy” when Campbell’s DUP ‘democrats’ were cuddling up with the very active terrorists of the UVF and the UDA when it suited them.

Green Meaney diversion

THE Green Party is in a tailspin over CIA flights at Shannon, blaming anti-war marchers for the Garda not being able to search suspect planes!
Green Party Councillor Brian Meaney says that the €7m security bill for the past two years could have been used to screen US flights from Guantanamo and CIA torture centres around the world if it wasn’t being used up by silly protests.
“The antics of the anti-war movement,” the Green Meaney fumes, “through incursions into the airfield, have ensured that funding that could support a programme for searching suspected rendition flights at Shannon has been diverted elsewhere.”
Ah, yes, the ‘Fianna Fáil/Green Party Agreement on Searching CIA Rendition Flights’ – must have been in the Programme for Government written in CIA invisible ink.

Ryan air crash

GREEN PARTY Communications and Energy Minister Eamon Ryan has also hit some turbulence over Shannon.
In a New Year RTÉ radio interview last week, the ever so Green minister in the new government admitted that when he went to the west of Ireland after the election he literally switched off when the radio news featured one of the biggest crises to hit the west of Ireland in years – Aer Lingus’s pull-out from Shannon.
“I turned on the radio every morning and heard that Shannon was top of the news,” Ryan reminisced.
“I’d just turn off the radio and go back to the beach and relax for the day. So I had a lovely holiday.”
And the Green Party golden boy couldn’t give a flying duck about Shannon.

Jaws of war

A BRIT paratrooper who confessed to sinking his teeth into a civilian’s cheek when the Good Samaritan tried to stop a pub brawl involving the soldier has walked free  after the judge was told by a Parachute Regiment officer that he needs every man to fight in Afghanistan.
Private Jeremy Pugh (18), a member of 3 Para, had admitted unlawful wounding when he appeared at Cardiff Crown Court. But Captain William Hunt of the Parachute Regiment wrote to the judge: “We need him in Afghanistan.”
Judge David Morris told the vicious para:
“You will be a greater benefit to society in the army than serving time in a young offenders’ institution at the taxpayers’ expense,” a rule I’m sure the learned judge applies to people with careers as fire fighters, nurses, teachers, nutritionists, train drivers... The judge explained his thinking:
“If you were a civilian being dealt with for this offence you would be just another drunken yob. The reasonable-minded readers of the South Wales Echo would expect me to send you straight to prison but some would say you would be better deployed in Afghanistan than running riot in Bridgend.”
Again showing exceptional concern for a convicted person’s career being unnecessarily interrupted by jail, the judge continued:
“If you receive a custodial sentence or even a suspended sentence you will lose your place in the army. You should be grateful to your commanding officer for standing up for you.”
Jeremy ‘Jaws’ Pugh was fined £850 and ordered to pay £1,250 compensation by the understanding dispenser of ‘justice’ so he can take his street fighting style to Afghanistan. The para might find that the Taliban bite back.