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6 March 1997 Edition

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Sportsview: Confessions of a Cock Fighter

I bumped into a lifelong GAA man at a cockfight on the border at the weekend. This is how the conversation went:-


Tom: Are you that effin Kevin Myers with that pen in your hand?

Mise: I'm a famous journalist writing for An Phoblacht, we're stuck for War News, so I thought I might jot a few lines about the action here.

T: As long as you're not one of those smart arses from above in Dublin talking through your arse about us savages in the country.

S: No, I'm on your side.

T: That's alright so. Do you want to see some badger baiting or coursing?

S: Ah no, this is enough, they only give me a quarter page and I'd never get all the gory details in.

T: Yeah, that was some shite you wrote about ice skating last month. Sure republicans don't ice skate.

S: You'd be surprised. I've even met one or two who play golf.

T: That effin' shower - they don't pay any taxes.

S: That's the farmers.

T: Yeah, the big ones with their Zetors and their rugby balls. Wasn't it great to see that crowd getting stuffed again?

S: Well, I suppose, but I met a republican rugger bugger last week.

T: Aye, and will Dublin ever get rid of that manager Whelan?

S: That's right.

T: Did Eamon Dunphy or any of your writer friends tell you if Michelle Smith was on the drugs?

S: He's not my friend and I don't care if she does as long as it's as Gaeilge.

T: I reckon all those sportspeople are on the drugs.

S: Aye, and sleeping with each other.

T: Who's Dunphy sleeping with?

S: One of those golfers, yer man with the yellow jumper.

T: Above in Dublin there's no morals.

S: No, but good footballers.

T: Now what's happening with the peace process?

S: It's a bit like Niall Quinn, never steady at the best of times and taking a break for a few months.

T: That soccer crowd will never win nothing, bringing poisoned hot dogs into Croke Park, and cursing at each other.

S: Aye, but Finn Harps aren't a bad side.

T: That GAA crowd are crooked. They keep all the money and buy big dinners for themselves.

S: And the bishops.

T: Don't be slagging the church. That's you Dubs again. Have you filled your quarter page yet?

S: Almost, I just need a few photos.

T: Do you want a box in the jaw?

S: I'll have to do with a picture of another ice skater so.

T: Or Mary Harney.

S: She doesn't play football.

T: No, but neither does Colm Coyle or Andy Cole. And she'll sort out those smart arses on the dole above in Dublin.

S: Right so, I'll go back to the other smartarse socialists.

T: Do that and don't forget to say Up Porto!

An Phoblacht
44 Parnell Sq.
Dublin 1

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