The 5th Column

Hook line for sinkers

A DISTRESSED Fianna Fáil has called in radio chat show host and RTÉ rugby pundit George Hook as a motivational speaker for its parliamentary party election post-mortem next month.

Held under the guise of a think-in, the two-day brain strain at Clonakilty, County Cork, will give FF Ministers the head-wrecking task of coming to terms with Sinn Féin successes and devising a strategy of policy changes and spin to meet the republican challenge.

Being motivated by rugby union expert Hook, who earns his living explaining why fairly well-off adults spend hours with their heads up their arses, seems so very suitable for the Fianna Fáil Parliamentary Party.

Loyalist standard lowered

ULSTER UNIONIST Assembly member Michael Copeland is in a flap because the loyalist Six-County flag was removed from a bar in Turkey after complaints from customers.

The red and white flag (showing the Red Hand of Ulster inside a crowned, six-pointed white star) used to hang alongside the Irish Tricolour in the Dream Boys bar in the Turkish resort of Marmaris. It was taken down last month after protests that it was a unionist paramilitary flag.

A Belfast couple who regularly holiday in Marmaris phoned home and Copeland of the UUP immediately got in touch with the Turkish ambassador in London to tell him off.

The East Belfast MLA said: "I have now received an undertaking from the Turkish authorities that they will inform the relevant organisations that our flag deserves the same respect as that afforded to those from other countries within the UK."

And just in case Johnny Turk doesn't know his Red Hand from his right, Copeland is drawing a picture for them.

"I am forwarding an image of the Government of Northern Ireland flag to the Turkish Embassy, who will circulate it to the Turkish Tourist Board and other organisations to make sure such an incident never happens again."

The UUP man insisted that, as the flag adopted by the Six-County state's government over 50 years ago, it should be given equal respect to others. Whatever about the flag's association with the violent, sectarian history of the unionist-gerrymandered state, we trust that Mr Copeland will pursue the issue of parity of esteem for nationalists in the North with the same vigour he applies to décor in pubs in Turkey.

Unofficial Official Unionist

'WEE GRIMMY from West Belfast' and others beg to differ from the Ulster Unionist standard bearer about the alleged official status of his beloved banner.

Flag buffs point us to two learned sources on the subject.

The World Flag Database says that Copeland's choice has no official standing. "The official flag of Northern Ireland is now the Union Flag," it points out before adding: "It should be noted that the above flag [the loyalist Red Hand] is closely connected with the Protestant community of Northern Ireland and is unpopular with sections of the Roman Catholic community."

Wikipedia, the free online encyclopaedia, explains:

"There are currently no official flags of Northern Ireland. The Union flag is used instead. From 1953 to 1973, Northern Ireland used a flag, called the 'The Red Hand Flag of Ulster', showing a red St George's cross on white (like the flag of England), with a crowned six-pointed white star showing a red hand. This was based on the traditional flag of Ulster (which includes nine counties as opposed to the six in Northern Ireland), which was a red cross on yellow, with the red hand inside a white shield in the centre.

"As this flag is associated with the unionists and loyalists, it has no chance of being reintroduced, although it is displayed at the Commonwealth Games. Nationalists and republicans use the Irish Tricolour, arging that as they do not recognise Northern Ireland as a separate political entity, they see no grounds for it having a flag of its own."

So the Official Unionist flag is not official — and that's official.

Brit soldier kicked out

BRITISH ARMY chiefs and Ministers who refuse to sack Scots Guardsmen Wright and Fisher, despite them being convicted of the murder of Belfast teenager Peter McBride, might note that a soldier from the elite Household Cavalry has just been dismissed for a non-fatal offence.

Thomas Tiffoney was a lance corporal in the Life Guards Regiment, whose regular duties include providing escorts for Queen Elizabeth and ceremonial guard in Whitehall. Now he has been jailed for nine months and thrown out of the British Army after admitting making sexual and threatening phone calls to two 12-year-old schoolgirls.

Northampton Crown Court was told that Tiffoney met the 12-year-olds through an internet chat-room. He befriended the youngsters, both from Northampton, and bombarded them with obscene calls on their mobile phones.

Tiffoney, stationed at Knightsbridge Barracks in Chelsea, London, pleaded guilty last month. He admitted two charges of making threatening phone calls to the girls between February and March 2003. The 37-year-old soldier told some chat-room users he was a 15-year-old boy called Matt.

The court was also told it was not the first time the soldier had committed similar offences. Tiffoney was disciplined and demoted from the rank of corporal in August 2000 after he admitted three charges of harassment against three separate women.

Last week, Court Recorder Christopher Tickle rejected pleas from Tiffoney's defence counsel to give the soldier a community punishment and treatment order so he could remain in the Army. Tiffoney is now in jail and out of the army.

Early Bath

JOINT POLICE and British Army patrols are being considered for the streets of Bath, in Somerset, to curb marauding soldiers on leave in the city.

Army officers have already carried out a fact-finding tour to consider possible options. They had top-level talks with Avon and Somerset Police Inspector Paul Mogg about the threats posed by troops.

Now that takes care of the British Army in the West of England, but what about when they're in the North of Ireland?