Letter to the Taoiseach

A whole lot of people have asked me what I am going to say to you this week.  A neighbour of mine in Carrickmore has the whole thing sussed.
“There is always something and if there wasn’t something there would be nothing,” he reckons.
First things first, and not to be churlish, Taoiseach, I could start with congratulations. You pulled it off. We should have read the signals. I must say that the Fianna Fáil organisation holds great fascination for me. It always has.  My father is the same.  If ‘Fianna Fáil’ is in the headline, you would be inclined to read on. Somehow or another, you even managed to connect the name of your party to the wording or our National Anthem.  
Never mind the fact that youse broke away from Sinn Féin a few years after the imposition of partition and decided to concentrate on the Free State alone.  Disregard for a minute that the nationalist people of the Six Counties were left to fend for themselves, the treatment of Irish republican political prisoners in the various jails including Mountjoy and Portlaoise, the Heavy Gang and all that, the underdevelopment of the West and North West. Let us put these matters to the one side if even only for this week.
When Joe Kernan brought All Ireland glory to Armagh in 2002, and Mickey Harte delivered similarly the following year, the whole country wanted to know about the pasta after training, the nutritional advice and the ice baths. Any new development which might give their hopefuls the edge.
I have always regarded your party, Taoiseach, as catch-all. Your TDs would give lifts to students travelling up to Dublin for the week and would write to the very same students congratulating them on their graduation. The library in the Dáil would be full of Fianna Fáil TDs writing to their respective County Managers about the state of rural bus shelters and they would miss a crucial debate in an empty Dáil Chamber all the while.
“Glad you passed your Leaving Certificate. Pleased I could be of some assistance.”
Now, hold on a minute, how do these exam boards work?
Was it Basil Chubb who defined the role of a TD as  “going about persecuting civil servants?”  And tipping each other off about a woman who has died in their Constituency.  What time is the removal?
I saw, myself, Taoiseach, five big men standing around a red biscuit box on a wee makeshift table outside Golan Chapel, near Carrigart in North East Donegal.  Two of the five were in the Blaney camp, and the other three were loyal to McDaid.
It was the Sunday before the election and there was only one way into and out of the Chapel. Past these five big men and the red biscuit box. Euros for the National Collection, please.  Or should that read “26 County Collection?”  Anyway, your party, Taoiseach, is fairly pervasive on the ground it would appear.
What about Michael McDowell’s electoral defeat and subsequent retirement from the political scene?  He wants to become a private citizen and has no intention of remaining a “controversialist” for the sake of it.  He wants to spend more time with his family. Another cynic in my townland wants to know if Michael has consulted his family to see if this is alright?
Enough about the election results for now, Bertie.  I’m glad that I am still writing to you and not Enda. The Mayo-man hardly knows that I exist and I would have to start all over again. Apart from all this, through you, I want to congratulate all the Sinn Féin candidates, TDs and supporters for their hard work over many months. More hard work ahead and perhaps you will give us a hand towards a united Ireland.    

Is mise le meas
Barry McElduff



NB: Bertie Ahern can be contacted on (00 353) 1 619 4020 or e-mail [email protected].  Address: Office of the Taoiseach, Government Buildings, Dublin 2.