Christmas visions

Neil Forde's guide through the yuletide film maze

Every Christmas thousands of people who would be rare visitors to the land of surround-sound and popcorn make the journey to their local cinema.

The film industry in anticipation of this glut of newcomers lays on a litany of new films aimed especially at the family audience and the happy couples who throng the cinema aisles. Don't worry though, the usual diet of recreational violence, horror, science fiction and cop thrillers is still on offer to those hardy film fans.

So how do you plan your viewing choices in this difficult season? It all depends on who you're with. Is it a family visit, your own peer group, possibly a niece or nephew or both, a long-term partner or some new flame you want to impress?

Family fun


Family fare in the cinema this Christmas is a three horse race between John Goodman in The Borrowers, Disney's Hercules and Spice Girls The Movie. We include the much hyped Spice Girls because your young darlings are likely to wage an unrelentling campaign to go.

Don't give in. Just think of how much merchandise you will have to fork out for and remember how many times you had to listen to variously dire renditions of When Two Become One.

Disney's Hercules is out for just the same reason. So it has to be the Borrowers which seems to be a watchable morality tale.

Cops and Robbers


For those into the good cop/bad cop action movies, there is a good choice on offer. The problem is how couples agree on acceptable viewing fare in this difficult area.

Top of the list is LA Confidential with Kim Bassinger and Alex Baldwin. It's a stylish thriller which racks up a significant bodycount. This is not a film for couples still in the early days of a relationship as some partners may not be able to stand the inevitable slobbering over messers Baldwin and Bassinger. Watch out for the appalling northern accent of one character.

Copland, starring Robert DeNiro, Ray Liotta and Sylvester Stallone, is a difficult film to gauge but I have found that the esteem some women hold Robert De Niro in means they will go to see him open a matchbox. So this could be a good choice.

However, I don't think that even the attraction of John Travolta will coerce your female partners to see John Wu's Face-Off which is not really a film but rather a pastiche of shootings, bombings, collisons and tag chases between Travolta and Cage.

Celtic Bonds


Tomorrow Never Dies is the latest James Bond creation and is very watchable action flick for all the family. It's listed as over 12 with adult but you're never too young to start watching the enjoyable rubbish that is Bond films. The fact that this latest Bond is Pierce Brosnan dilutes somewhat the pro-British agenda of the film. Forget Lazenby, Moore and Dalton. It's the Celtic Bonds who come out tops.

Happy Horror


Always good for a diversion is a horror movie and this year's surprise hit was Scream. Now from the same director we have I Know What You Did Last Summer. The only problem is finding someone to go with.

You won't have a problem finding accompaniment for the fourth film in the Alien series such is the trans-gender pulling power of Sigourney Weaver, star of Alien Resurrection.

Possibly the most Christmassy film on offer is the re-release of Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life starring James Stewart. On the surface this is a feelgood Christmas movie but it's real message is an indictment of market capitalism and a reaffirmation of the power of co-operative economics. Now this really is one for all the family.