‘Young Guns’ fire blanks

IHAB SHOUKRI and a clutch of his homies found in a north Belfast pub two years ago have appeared in court on charges of rehearsing for a UDA ‘show of strength’ to announce it would never disband.
A UDA statement (written in Shoukri’s scrawl) was also cited as evidence from the raid on the Alexandra Bar. The boys and the hoods were strutting their stuff to Bon Jovi’s Blaze of Glory, the soundtrack to the film Young Guns II.
The lyrics are full of typical testosterone for Tartan types like the north Belfast UDA and end with the lines:
Each night I go to bed/I pray the Lord my soul to keep/No I ain’t looking for forgiveness/But before I’m six foot deep/Lord, I got to ask a favour/And I’ll hope you’ll understand
‘Cause I’ve lived life to the fullest/Let the boy die like a man/Staring down the bullet/Let me make my final stand/Shot down in a blaze of glory/Take me now but know the truth
I’m going out in a blaze of glory/Lord I never drew first/But I drew first blood/And I’m no one’s son/Call me young gun/ I’m a young gun
You can see why it appeals to the rock heads like the Shoukris, all that ‘Shot down in a blaze of glory’ psychotic imagery.
So what happened when Ihab Shoukri and his ‘Young Guns’ appeared at Belfast Crown Court last week? Did he they go out in a blaze of glory? Not quite.
They rolled over like shorn sheep having their tummies tickled and pleaded guilty. The ‘Young Guns’ will be sentenced later.

Bertie Ahern: The workers’ friend

WHO told the Dáil last week?
“I am pleased to hear the Taoiseach defend the rights of workers in an EU context.  It is something he has done with distinction throughout his political career.”
Was it Fianna Fáil’s Conor ‘Kebabs’ Lenihan? No, it was Joan Burton of the Labour Party.
Luckily, there were no agency or former Irish Ferries workers in the public gallery to hear her.

Para slashed man with box cutter

A British former paratrooper convicted of slashing a man with a box-cutter suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder from service in the Six Counties, a court in Australia has been told.
James Fryar (52), of Wyong, was before Sydney District Court on a charge of malicious wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm.
During a 10-day trial the court heard that the ex-para was at a bowling club in August 2006 when he threatened numerous times to chop the head off a man he thought was having an affair with his ex-wife
Defence barrister David Price told the court his client was in the Parachute Regiment of the British Army and had “seen action” in Ireland. As a result he suffers symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, including anxiety and flashbacks.
Fryar, who faces a maximum jail term of 25 years with a statutory non-parole period of seven years, will be sentenced on April 18.

Novel ending

INTERNATIONAL best-selling crime author Colin Bateman’s brother is an Orangeman. The Bangor man’s brother also works for the Department of Education in the North. So what was his reaction when Sinn Féin’s Martin McGuinnness, an ex-IRA man, was made Education Minister? Was there material there for another murder mystery
“I thought my brother would go mad,” Colin Bateman said on a tour to promote his new novel, Orpheus Rising. “But when I met him he turned to me and said McGuinness was the best minister we’ve ever had. The difference with McGuinness was he took an interest and probably was the only one that really cared.”
Now that is a surprise ending.

Slow courtship

AFTER Bertie Ahern was replaced last week as Fianna Fáil leader, SDLP leader Mark Durkan said he would not “jump into bed straightaway” with new boss Brian Cowen.
Just in case Brian Cowen is upset, Mark did also admit that the SDLP is “exploring all possible options”, including merging with Fianna Fáil.
He’s such a tease.
Foreign affairs
CONSERVATIVE Finnish Foreign Minister Ilkka Kanerva wasn’t so coy about hooking up with someone who took his fancy.
The 60-year-old sent 29-year-old ‘erotic dancer’ Johanna Tukiainen 200 text messages which, he claimed, were about her on-stage performance at his 60th birthday party in January.
One of the messages (on his government mobile phone subsidised by taxpayers) read:
“Would you like to do it in an exotic place? Where could it be?”
‘It’, the diplomatic minister insisted that of course it referred to his birthday party.
Three years ago, when he was Finland’s answer to the Ceann Comhairle, the texty beast bombarded a nude model with text messages.
Now he can let his fingers do the talking all day long. He was sacked last Friday week. The message from his centre-right party was, ‘Don’t call us - we’ll call you.’