Fifth Column xmas quiz

THESE turkeys escaped the festive feast table so here’s the doubtfully famous Fifth Column Christmas Quiz of the slim pickings of 2008 to mull over in your downtime during the merry mayhem. Ho, ho, ho?

1. X Factor bosses ordered Eoghan Quigg’s family not to wear what when they appeared on TV?

2. Who went nuclear over a side-order of onions in RTÉ’s celebrity hotel-keeping show, Fáilte Towers?

3. Coronation Street Underworld knicker factory mini-tycoon and baddie Tony Gordon had sensitive souls besieging ITV switchboards over his dismissal of a close encounter in a hotel bedroom with his teenage PA with the line: “I could no more fancy Rosie Webster than I could...” Could what?

4. Which TD did the Progressive Democrats want charged with “treason” when he said in the Dáil of the Irish Government’s attacks on public services: “There is more social conscience in a cat’s arse than there is in the entire Fianna Fáil parliamentary party”?

5. Peroxide PR doyenne Ms Terry Prone was speaking of which headline grabber when she fretted that they wore too much red because: “red is a sign of being ready for sex in a gorilla or any other large primate”.

6. Which cartoon hero upset DUP Culture Minister Gregory Campbell by saying: “Where are the IRA when you need them?”

7. What is the name of the cartoon superhero created by the Orange Order to attract children to its otherwise austere, bowler-hatted brethren’s ranks?

8. What is special about the Garryowen Loyal Orange Lodge which made its debut this July on The Twelfth?

9. The Lisbon Treaty ‘Yes’ campaign was described by which TV legend as “sneaky, dishonest, underhand and sinister”?

10. “Although I hate Irish nationalism, I don’t dislike Sinn Féiners. Far from it. As human beings, I tend to like them a lot more than Dublin 4 types. They tend, as people, to be stand-up guys and girls.” Who said it?

11. Which self-styled human rights campaigner said: “We need a place where people can go and tell a few war stories”?

12. Of which Dáil politician did Minister for Integration Conor Lenihan say this? “I do not think ——- is a fascist although he advocates policies that are close to the British National Party.”

13. Which fascist was revealed by a new TV documentary to have plotted and robbed Derry composer Phil Coulter of victory with Cliff Richard’s Congratulations in the 1968 Eurovision Song Contest?

14. What was the website ‘Two Tits and a Vote’ campaigning for?

15. Belfast City Council’s decision to support ‘Duncan’ with an official link was supported by unionists, opposed by Sinn Féin but described as “not an important enough issue” by the SDLP who abstained. Who or what is ‘Duncan’?

16. Which late icon of the British people did BBC presenter Edward Stourton reveal to have said of the EU in the 1990s: “It will never work, you know, with all those Huns, wops and dagoes.”

17. DUP Sports Minister Edwin Poots’s late show at a Newry GAA match to avoid being present during Amhrán na bhFiann highlighted another little-known unionist link with Gaelic games in that which of the following knight of the realm had played hurling? (a) Sir Oswald Moseley; (b) Sir Edward Carson; (c) Sir Alan Sugar; (d) Sir Ian Botham; (e) Sir Cliff Richard.

18. The United States’ Department of Homeland Security warned American families that Al-Qaeda had opened up a new ‘Western Front’ where?

19. Whose house cleaning was How Clean Is Your House? star Aggie McKenzie talking about when she said she was “doing Northern Irish stuff. It seems like fantasy now. I was seeing things I really didn’t want to see.”

20. On the weekend that the Progressive Democrats announced they are going out of business, who said the PDs have realised: “Our day has come”?

21. The PSNI spent nearly £1m on which sort of mobile training units to take around police stations until they found out they don’t fit through most stations’ gates or cannot get enough electricity supply to work them?

22. Which international film star recalled that he was on the verge of being expelled from school for political activities as a teenager when, he said, he was a member of Sinn Féin?

23. Wallace Thompson went on Joe Duffy’s Liveline RTÉ radio show to announce: “The Pope is the Anti-Christ.” Which senior politician was (is?) Wally the personal adviser for?

24. Why was eight-year-old Matthew McVeigh prevented from joining Britain’s Cub Scouts?

25. Irish Independent columnist Sam Smyth cooed over which Irish politician as a hot rival to glamorous US Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin in the political pin-up stakes?

Quiz answers