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11 March 1999 Edition

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Television: House of fun

The Stormont Story (BBC1)
Loyalists (BBC2)
Eurosong 99 (RTE1)
The Lakes (BBC1)
Probably the most difficult aspect of the Good Friday Agreement to swallow for many unionists, is the sight of ``unreconstructed terrorists taking over our house'', sharing power is bad enough as is the demobilisation of their private security firm, the RUC, but the sight of Shinners in suits on the steps of Orangeville is a sight too ghastly for some.

Belfast Castle was about as far as any republican ever got, and that was usually behind the bar, but the confident swagger of Shinners as they demand their cabinet seats has been galling for some and one wonders if this may be a factor in Trimble's obstruction of last Wednesday's deadline.

The Stormont Story on BBC1, showed footage of days when Stormont was a mini Westminster and unionist ``Prime Ministers'' strutted about in horse drawn carriages, nationalists had boycotted the first elections leaving a total of four, including two independent unionists on the opposition benches.

This scenario continued uninterupted for fifty or so years as Captain Austin Ardill reminds us - ``When we had Stormont the country ran very well - good luck to the nationalists - we had the majority?''

Although this documentary glosses over much of the malaise of the sectarian state, much of what was shown was an eye-opener to many, nationalists hopelessy excluded and discriminated against created their own infrastructure of ``church, GAA etc'' while Craig and Brookeborough happily went about gerrymandering and the like.

We are reminded of the hopeless preparation for the German bombardment of World War 2, due to years of corruption,and the only amendment ever accepted by the government in Stormont - that of the Wild Birds Act of 1929!

``The halcyon days'', says Lady Faulkner, ``were numbered after the introduction of free secondary education in 1947'', and the subsequent rise of Bernadette and many other confident Catholics, and the mailed fist response of Stormont, spurred on by yours truly - ``we threw snowballs at O'Neill'', Paisley.

What is important to remember is that while much of this is old hat to us, to many it is history that has been denied them.

Harry West, Unionist MP, tells us of ``tears in our eyes as Heath closed down us running our own show'' . In 1972 as Stormont collapsed and the Sunningdale Strikes when North/South Ministries were used as an excuse when the ``real objection was to power sharing'', MP's got up on tables and spat on each other - ministers were beaten up and MP's engaged in free for all fisticuffs - they mustn't have discovered shaving cream back then!

We are taken through Stormont's other unsuccessful house parties when half the guests didn't show up and Jim Prior's farcical 1982 Assembly which later became ``a shouting shop for unionists''.

Garret Fitzgearald finally admits what the rest of us have always known ``Margeret Thatcher doesn't have too much empathy for those outside Southern England'' and Tom King tells us ``they tried to beat me up'' and peter Brooke's, whose talks ``were the most boring thing ever'' infamous statement ``Britain has no strategic or otherwise interest in Ireland'' whether they have or not, they're still here and the latest Stormont house party, which has yet to allow all guests to the dinner table, may or may not prove the SDLP's Hugh Logue's Sunningdale forecast of `74 that ``this is but a vehicle for a united Ireland''.

Peter Taylor's ``Loyalists'' finally told us some home truths, though fleetingly, of state support and collusion in loyalists killings, Bobby Philpott UVF chief - ``all branches of the security forces - UDR/RUC/Army assisted - I was getting that many documents I didn't know what to do with them - where they lived, safe houses, even the colour of their socks - the degree of assassinations would not have been possible without them''. During this period (1989-94) of ``leaks'' 146 catholics were shot dead - which in any other state there would be a resultant outcry by the media.

The deeply flawed series is concluded by the loyalist assertions ``I think the union is safe - we've played a great part in it'' - ie. Greysteel, Loughisland was ``a major factor'' in the IRA calling it a day'', and a toothless yobbo ranting how he'd love ``to rip out the throat of a Falls Road fenian bastard - Taylor tells us that ``the other side also has sectarian songs'' - what songs exactly he conveniently omits to mention, but we're used to innacurate reporting.

The Eurovision is always great for a slagging - who remembers Brotherhood of man and Save All your Kisses and their nice bums and Johnny ``I'm big in Turkey'' Logan? Pat Kenny was up to his usual antics on RTE - the show is so out of date it may soon come back into fashion, fortunately Ireland didn't win it last year, the ultimate accolade going to Israel who have their very own Dana - they deserve both in light of their atrocious human rights record. This ``musical feast'' was comprised of a motley crew of overweight soccer players with leather jackets and wavy Cliff Richard hair do's singing their ooh-oohs! and aah-aahs!, and bouncy booby women caked in make-up. My own favourite being Prionsias and the classic ``Bon-Bon-car'', ``Is mise an fear leis an bon-bon-car which translates as ``I am the man with sweeties in my good car.'' Sure where would you be going?

The Lakes (BBC1) in contrast is comprised of all sorts of nasty characters, rapists, adulterating priests, sadistic chefs and other low lifes of this scenic Yorkshire village - as we recall in horror at these ghastly creatures, us country folk must admit to the seedy underbelly that exists in most rural parishes - the local pervert, wife swappers, dog lovers, poitin smugglers and the like - and they think they knew it all above in Dublin!

By Sean O Donaile

An Phoblacht
44 Parnell Sq.
Dublin 1
Ireland