Top Issue 1-2024

1 May 1997 Edition

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Sportsview: It's just not football

By Sean O'Donaile

I'm proud to say I'm a cricket bigot - I never considered it a real sport and why fat men loll around with wooly jumpers in the middle of summer with hankies on their heads baffles me.

I know that you're supposed to say ``jolly good'' and ``Howzat!'' when you're spinning your wicket and that champion of the people Norman Tebbitt once complained about ``bloody foreigners'' because they don't support the English cricket team.

You couldn't possibly expect anyone to support the Brits given that the only time they figure is when they're splashed across the tabloids complaining about the commoners and jumping in and out of bed with each other. Ian Botham was the only decent player they ever had, but he wasn't enough of a gentleman and had a ponytail, so he may as well have been a damn foreigner.

If Normal Tebbitt and his cohorts had their way we'd all be playing cricket on the green, with tea and crumpets, talking about the Queen Mother's wig.

Cricket did figure in some areas up to the turn of the century but then the GAA was founded and that was jolly well that. Besides, ``How's-i'-goin-boyh' `` and ``Christeh-almightee'' were never going to be replaced by ``Howzat'' and ``jolly good, Roger'' in Clare and tea parties in Donegal would have been washed away by the summer deluges.

The only cricket match I witnessed was in Gravesend in the heart of Olde' England, where the only action was a cherubic 25 stone man lolling up and down the field to everyone's delight. It got a bit repetitive after five and a half hours so we were then entertained by a streaker who turned out to be the local Tory MP.

I used to live near a cricket club in the Lower Ormeau in Belfast but it was surrounded by a 20 foot fence to keep the Fenians out and was a testament to the Northern state.

Anyway, there are still 12 people playing cricket somewhere in these parts and Ireland had their first win in 30 years against Middlesex on Tuesday. Clontarf hasn't seen the likes since Brian Boru drove the Vikings into the sea in 1014 and I'm sure he would have been delighted with the result.

Ireland borrowed South Africa's best player Hansie Cronje for £20,000 and he was instrumental in this historic victory.

Why people get excited about defeating an English county is beyond me unless of course they still think Ireland is indeed an English county.

Ireland set the pace early on with two wickets in an over and 281 runs on the first day. Middlesex staged a jolly good show on the second day and despite Angus Fraser rubbing the ball in strange places the boys in the shamrock woolies persevered. Simon Cook and Roger Fluffybottom ran in 9,655 runs, 2,223 overs and a wicket to win the day. Bonfires are blazing in Ardoyne as I speak and next up it's Somerset - I can't wait!

Back in reality, Wexford's hurling hangover continued against Tipperary and they're now staring relegation in the face as are Laois who were pummelled by Limerick. Clare would need to find a few forwards fast if they're to make an impression this season and Kilkenny look a good bet for the league. The Dubs continue to improve at the top of the second Division with a defeat at Waterford, and Antrim have finally woken up, although promotion looks out of the question at this stage.

Eddie Irvine would love to have a wooly shamrock instead of a Union Jack after his two recent podium finishes in Formula One, and Damon Hill would just love to get within earshot of the podium. It's all uphill for poor Damon these days - maybe he should retire and take up cricket.

An Phoblacht
44 Parnell Sq.
Dublin 1
Ireland