Letter to the Taoiseach

They were praising your commitment to culture and the arts last Wednesday morning.  When I say ‘they’, I mean the practitioners of the arts who gathered in Writers’ Square in the centre of Belfast.
‘Invest in Inspiration’ is the name of the campaign aimed at securing increased funding for the arts in the Six Counties. People involved in the North are looking enviously at their colleagues in the 26 Counties – tax breaks and an investment in the arts of £12.61 or €18.47 per person per annum, whereas in the Six Counties, only £6.13 per person is spent.
Whether it was Michael D Higgins or the influence of Caoimhghín or whatever, that is not really the point.  But it is hard to beat meeting people who know the value of some things and not just the price of everything.  
Your own government announced the investment of €32m in arts facilities just last week under Access II.  We will debate whether John O’Donoghue selected the correct projects another time, perhaps, but the simple fact remains that there is greater funding for the arts in the South than there is in the North.  Donegal is in the North, I know, but if I go all politically correct on my geopolitics, I will be talking about neocolonial and unoccupied territory.  So, I will stick with North and South for now.
In the North, campaigners have said that they would settle for a commitment of £10 per head and they are hoping that I can use my influence with the new Minister Designate, Edwin Poots, to deliver such an outcome.  
You seem to get on very well with the Big Man himself, Taoiseach.  I hear that youse are going to meet up at the Boyne site.  Would you have a word in Ian’s ear and I will see what I can do with Edwin.  
“Give us a tenner, Edwin” is the new battle cry.  
On a different note, can you brief me on the whole issue of decentralisation of civil service jobs throughout the state?  Minister Tom Parlon has presided over this project, which has not been problem-free, I know.  But at least there has been a proactive approach, unlike the North, where the Department of Finance and Personnel (DFP) is engaged in old-style discrimination against communities West of the River Bann.
They held three consultation workshops on the future location of public sector jobs and not one of these events was held in Tyrone, Fermanagh, Derry or Newry. Not exactly a coincidence, is it?  Plus ça change, plus la même chose.
Anyway, I have written to Peter Robinson, Minister Designate, seeking fair play for nationalist areas in this new dispensation.  Peter has the Finance and Personnel portfolio here in the North from May 8 onwards.  Fingers crossed.
It is all complimentary this week, Bertie. All of Ireland has gone smoke-free.  I received an information pack which was sent to my constituency office by the Belfast-based Health Promotion Agency during the week.  No sooner had this correspondence arrived than my phones were hopping with Irish language speakers wondering if the literature might be available ‘as Gaeilge’.  
The Health Promotion Agency had not thought of that bit.  I asked them if they thought that Irish speakers would not want the space to breathe. Or if there were no Irish speakers who enjoyed a fag.  I am thinking of taking up the drink myself, Bertie, now that the pubs throughout Ireland will be smoke-free.
Is Mise,
Barry McElduff



NB: Bertie Ahern can be contacted on (00 353) 1 619 4020 or e-mail [email protected].  Address: Office of the Taoiseach, Government Buildings, Dublin 2.