PJ Mara’s dizzy spell

Fianna Fáil Svengali PJ Mara hastily pulled the plug early on Fianna Fáil’s first election press conference, held at FF’s Treasury Buildings nerve centre on Monday, when reporters kept asking questions of former Health Minister Micheál Martin about the health service.
Micheál was looking slightly unwell when pressed about his previous election promise, five years ago and in the very same place, that Fianna Fáil would “end hospital waiting lists”.
Getting steadily more dizzy, PJ Mara shut down the operation, barking: “We’ll return to health at a future press conference.” Another Fianna Fáil waiting list.

A red under the bread

Brody Sweeney, founder of the O’Brien’s Sandwich Bar chain, seems to be more keen on red berets than blue shirts.
The munchy millionaire – who is running in Dublin North East against our own Larry O’Toole, a Bohemian FC man fond of the odd prawn sandwich himself – tells the Dubliner magazine that he admires Hugo Chávez. Chávez is the former paratrooper and now left-wing president of Venezuela, militant anti-imperialist and close comrade of Fidel Castro who has nationalised private oil enterprises. Eoin O’Duffy and Oliver J Flanagan must be having a roll in their graves.

Tailor’s dummy

Campaigning in Meath with Fine Gael’s monosyllabic Graham Geraghty, Enda Kenny stepped into a tailor’s shop for a photo opportunity with his finest if not his brightest sports star in the Royal County.
Someone piped up: “The most important thing for a politician is the measure of his neck!”
Graham Geraghty is a footballer, not a jockey.
Uninformed opinion
Bertie Ahern running mate Councillor Mary Fitzpatrick was asked by Vincent Browne on RTÉ Radio 1 if Fianna Fáil candidates are allowed to have opinions of their own.
Fitzer replied:
“I don’t understand the question.”
Sort of says it all, doesn’t it?

Fianna Fool

Fitzer’s Fianna Fáil colleague in Dublin North, Darragh O’Brien, has a revealing favourite quotation.
He tells a special politics issue of the Dubliner magazine that his motto is gleaned from Abraham Lincoln: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Tells us a lot about Darragh O’Brien. Maybe it’s something Mary Fitzpatrick might learn from.

O’Leary on the grave

Fianna Fáil has strong opinions about the poster campaign of Fine Gael Dublin South candidate Councillor Jim O’Leary. It features a picture not of himself but of Fianna Fáil’s thief-in-chief, Charles J Haughey, with Bertie.
Irate callers to Joe Duffy’s Liveline on Monday upbraided the impudent O’Leary for slandering “one of Ireland’s greatest heroes” who is barely in his grave a year.
And why, Jimmy Guerin asked, didn’t sonny Jim highlight corruption in Fine Gael? Why not mention Fine Gael’s Michael Lowry? Why not Fine Gael’s Michael J Cosgrave? The clue, Jimmy, is in the “Fine Gael” bit. Sonny Jim isn’t a “market risk manager” for nothing.

Election runner

I’m sure that it’s pure coincidence that the Fianna Fáil-led Government had to wait until election week to announce the arrival of the rural bus service, nominally funded by the State but really by taxpayers.
The service – dubbed by wags ‘the booze bus’ – is to be run out in Cork, Cavan, Sligo, Roscommon, Donegal and Laois.
Éamon Ó Cuív, Minister for Community, Rural and Gaeltacht Affairs, said the new service will tackle social isolation in rural areas and will be welcomed by many people in years to come. Particularly, ambitious Fianna Fáil election candidates who want a lift to Leinster House.

The ugly truth

Is there any truth in the story heard on Vincent Browne’s show that a Fianna Fáil prospective candidate down the country was refused because he’s too ugly?
Maybe the breaking point is that he’s TOO ugly. Just plain ugly is OK.

Nit picker

Labour TD Ruairí Quinn is moaning that Enda Kenny and his Pet Rabbitte haven’t been invited by Bertie to share the limelight in high-profile events involving the peace process.
Bertie will be one of the guests of honour at the reopening of the Assembly on 8 May. Three days later, Bertie will meet Big Ian again, this time at the Battle of the Boyne site. And then, just four days later, Bertie will be addressing a joint sitting in Westminster of the House of Commons and the House of Lords.
The high and mighty Quinn whinges that Bertie is “turning these events into a big circus”. Of course, if Labour heads and their big brothers in Blueshirts were given front-row seats, then the circus would be all right.
But why would they be asked along? What have Fine Gael or Labour done to aid the peace process over the years?
Perhaps Ruairí Quinn might care to drop me a line to explain the Fine Gael/Labour contribution to the peace process because somehow I’ve missed it. It shouldn’t take him too long to write up.

And finally...

Back to the Dubliner magazine and Dublin Central Fine Gael candidate Paschal Donohoe.
Paschal’s favourite quote comes from Monty Python and Fawlty Towers legend John Cleese and seems rather apt for a Fine Gaeler:
“I can handle the despair; it’s the hope that drives me crazy.”