Letter to the Taoiseach

BY BARRY McELDUFF


I see that they are digging up the dirt on you again.  It is the Manchester business and all that. I must say that I was surprised to hear the allegation that you flew out of Ireland as the then Finance Minister with a suitcase of money. I cannot get my head around this one at all.  I always thought that they were concerned about you bringing suitcases of money back into the country after having met well-wishers and benefactors in England.
Who was supposed to be bribing who?  
I was in the Capital at the weekend.  It might have its detractors but the Spike in O’Connell Street is a good reference point.  You would want to be careful at staring at the top of the Spike because you would be inclined to bang into people on the pavement.  I have a question for you, Bertie, why does every second person walking through O’Connell Street wear their glasses on their head?  Eddie Hobbs might have to investigate this national epidemic.
I know a man from East Tyrone who was arrested close to the Border on suspicion that the glasses he was wearing were part of a disguise and did not have any optical value.  I can understand the Irish people’s desire for more of the sun but, through you, Taoiseach, can I propose that those wearing sunglasses should place them over their eyes.  Unless glasses on top of your head acts as protection from the sun in some way or another?
Anyway, arriving in O’Connell Street, the first man I met was a man by the surname of Daly from Loughmacrory in Co Tyrone.  The gentleman in question is aged 66 years and he had travelled from the North free of charge on Bus Éireann.  He was very enthusiastic and very appreciative at the chance to travel all round Ireland as a senior citizen in this way.  He fully intends to live it up and he might as well, says you.  I would want to put on record my appreciation for the work that you have undertaken as Taoiseach to make sure that our senior citizens should enjoy the removal of obstacles to cross border mobility.
This was a great initiative, if ever there was one.  Another, of course, was the provision of free Irish Passports to many of our senior citizens.  So, keep’er lit on that front and I will pass on these observations to my MLA colleague, Willie Clarke who is assuming responsibility for our All Ireland Agenda.  I know that you have your own notions, Taoiseach, on the suitability of giving this role to a Down man because it is quite a while since they set Croke Park on fire.  I wouldn’t agree, myself, because Dublin supporters are in no position to speak about lighting up Croke Park in recent times.
If you had made that disparaging remark about Down in the Dáil Chamber, I would have interrupted you on a point of order and I would have asked you to withdraw the remark.  Any sign of speaking rights for Northern Elected Representatives?  I suppose you could argue that Donegal is in the North.  But so, too, is Tyrone and Down.  
Finally, Taoiseach, would you join with me in wishing every success to the new Sinn Féin cumann which is being formed in the Rathnure/Davidstown area of Wexford.  I’ll be back in touch next week.  
Could anyone have interfered with your luggage?  Did you pack your bags yourself when you were travelling to Manchester?

Is Mise,
Barry McElduff


NB: Bertie Ahern can be contacted on (00 353) 1 619 4020 or e-mail [email protected].  Address: Office of the Taoiseach, Government Buildings, Dublin 2.