The 5th Column

The Paisley Party

BALLYMENA COUNCIL may be notorious, along with other DUP strongholds, for blocking any real power sharing with anyone who's not a unionist, but now they're going one further by honouring their ageing DUP leader, Third Force generalisimo, Ulster Resistance supremo and Free Presbyterian rabble rouser, Dr Ian Paisley, "in recognition of his outstanding contribution to civic life".

Papa Doc is to be given the borough's highest honour in a slap-up celebration at the Great Hall of Galgorm Manor Hotel on Friday 10 December.

Paisley groupie and DUP Councillor Robin Stirling is beside himself that his motion has got the Big Man a big hand from the Borough of Ballymena. But Robin scowled that his party was nearly pooped by nationalist opposition and smarting UUP members, who got offside when his fawning motion came up at the council.

"I didn't expect anything different from the UUP but I had hoped because of Dr Paisley's age, energy and service that they would have shown some equality of respect," said Stirling with a straight face.

Little Robin says he can't predict whether members of parties opposed to his motion would boycott the conferment in December. "Protocol and standing orders are in place, which will give the choice of attending," he said. "Whether they attend or not is their choice."

A bit of "equality of respect" at a DUP party? Now that would be a nice change.

Rebel lonely hearts

REPUBLICANS may be written off as hopeless romantics but all that could change if Sinn Féin fundraisers take a fancy to an idea pioneered in London this week — political speed dating!

The organiser, Michael, wanted to raise a bit of cash for Amnesty International and Medicins Sans Frontieres, so he e-mailed various politicos about a speed dating event "to promote relatedness between the major political parties". Michael adds:

"I will probably have the dates wearing their political allegiances on their name badges. There will be posters of the political leaders in the bar for effect." (That should curb any testosterone-filled urges.) Once the three minutes are up, they will call for order, Speaker/Ceann Comhairle style, and move the dates on with a bell or a gavel. "Above all," Michael insists, "the event will be fun."

Could we do it here? Fancying a Fine Gaeler, flirting with a Fianna Fáiler, sloping off with an SDLPer, dallying with a DUPer, loving it with Labour, cultivating a Green or seeking counselling from Dr Phil if you yearn to pull a Progressive Democrat?

Cross-party contact on the backbenches and getting into bed with your political opponents could take on a whole different meaning, if you're into that sort of thing.

They shoot, he scores

INTER MILAN topped their Champions League group this week with the backing of a whole new band of supporters, Mexico's indigenous Zapatista rebels.

Argentinean captain Javier Zanetti talked his club into donating player fines for late arrival to help villagers in a Zapatista stronghold in the Chiapas region of southern Mexico rebuild after they were attacked by the Mexican Army in April.

The donations included €5,000 (£3,475), an ambulance and the captain's shirt. Zanetti wrote a note to the villagers of Caracol de Oventic, saying: "We believe in a better world, in an unglobalised world, enriched by the cultural differences and customs of all the people. This is why we want to support you in this struggle to maintain your roots and fight for your ideals."

The team manager, Bruno Bartolozzi, visited the village in June, bringing the donations and the blessings of the team and its oil baron owner. The donations helped the villagers to rebuild houses and water pipelines. Inter Milan has offered to supply football gear and balls for budding Zapatista footballers.

The Zapatista leader, Subcomandante Marcos, expressed his thanks in an e-mail accompanied with a photo of him wearing the Inter captain's shirt. "Brothers and sisters of the Italian team, I wish you the greatest success in your sporting campaign."

Next week: Wayne Rooney gives his five-grand-a-week lunch money to the Animal Liberation Front.

Wizard marketing idea

THE BOSSES of a Belfast bar, at a time when racist attacks are raging on its doorstep, just can't see why people are upset that they ordered their bouncers to welcome guests to their Hallowe'en Night party by dressing up in the realistic-looking robes of the race-hate Ku Klux Klan! And this was only hours after an anti-racist rally in Belfast city centre, denouncing violent attacks on non-white people.

Vaughan's Bar, on the Lisburn Road, is on the edge of the loyalist Village area, the scene of countless racist attacks in recent weeks. When revellers turned up at Vaughan's on Hallowe'en Night, they were greeted by up to seven sturdy men dressed in custom-made, white racist KKK outfits.

A manager told the media that people took it "as a bit of fun".

They must already be gearing up for their Fourth of July party by kitting out their bouncers in Al-Qaeda suicide bomber costumes. We shudder to think what they'd have them wearing for the Children's Christmas Party.

Soul man

A POLL by the New Nation newspaper in Britain to find the 100 most important black people in history came up with a few surprises.

As expected, Dr Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Nelson Mandela, Muhammad Ali, the British pioneering nurse Mary Seacole, Oprah Winfrey, Bob Marley, Marcus Garvey and black inventors like Garrett Morgan, George Washington Carver and Elijah McCoy all made it to the top.

But who was at the very top, the Number 1 black icon? Jesus Christ, that's who.

Some people, Orange Order leaders, Daily Telegraph readers and KKK wizards, who have always taken it for granted that Jesus was white, with a beard and sandals, are stunned at how black people could identify Jesus as a black icon.

New Nation editor Michael Eboda explains:

"Jesus was more likely to be black than anything else."

The Bible describes Christ as "dark skinned" and, 2,000 years ago, the people of Bethlehem were a mix of Ethiopians, Egyptians and Babylonians, all mixed with people from central Africa.

"When we put the list of black icons together we never thought some people might think our choice of Jesus at No 1 was controversial.

"Of course, no one knows what colour he was but let's not get too hung up about this. While on the one hand it is meant to be educational and encourage debate, on the other it's a bit of fun.

"With that in mind, there are a few other reasons why Jesus was black — he called everybody 'brother', he liked Gospel and he couldn't get a fair trial