The Fifth Column

Silent witnesses

A PSNI officer who was filmed on a British Army video driving his armoured Land Rover at a crowd of nationalist residents in East Belfast's Short Strand will not be prosecuted.

The potentially lethal incident happened in May 2002 when a PSNI Land Rover mounted the footpath and was driven at speed at the civilians. The Police Ombudsman said that the driver had "clearly put these individuals at serious risk".

The PSNI says there won't be any prosecution because the markings on the Land Rover could not be identified. Is the PSNI telling us it can't do a little detective work and work out which patrol was responsible, using PSNI vehicle logs, employing the process of elimination, forensically examining the Brit Army footage and interviewing not just the civilian witnesses but the eye-witnesses who want us to believe they are a reformed force upholding truth and justice - the Peelers themselves?

Or does the heart of the RUC still beat within the PSNI?

A welcome in the valleys?

AS Fianna Fáil and PD Ministers protest that they are not racist, news reaches us of another politician who is upset about economic migrants looking for work and "draining public services" (and, no, they're not Irish economic migrants).

The chairperson of the UK Independence Party in Wales, David Rowlands, has been assailed from all sides for peddling racism after he said: "People of Britain are frightened about what is happening. Anyone with a European passport can come here and economic migrants will not have their criminal records checked, or their medical history or the skills they are bringing to the marketplace."

Rowlands was challenged on the impact on Wales, where less than 1% of the population are migrants. He replied: "Is that just the coloured population?"

Like FF and PD candidates, all UKIP candidates have to sign up to an anti-racism pledge before standing and Rowlands's comments were swiftly condemned by almost all the other parties' candidates, except for the neo-Nazi British National Party, but including the Conservatives.

Jonathan Evans, who leads the Conservative group in Europe and tops the party list in Wales, said: "There are people who are trying to take advantage of legitimate public concern about the operation of asylum policy in an unacceptable way."

Sounds familiar?

Royston discovers integrity

THE STAR SUNDAY newspaper quizzed Euro hopefuls in a little quiz called 'Who Wants to be an MEP?'

Dublin Sinn Féin's Mary Lou McDonald got five out of seven correct (matching sitting Labour MEP Proinsias de Rossa) but North-Wester Pearse Doherty topped the poll alongside FFer Eoin Ryan with full marks. But Dublin Mayor Royston Brady defended the integrity of the European Parliament against being devalued by a tabloid quiz and refused to take part. The real reason, of course, is that Royston has been in hiding from the media since being humiliated on the RTÉ radio current affairs quiz show, Under the Whip, when he couldn't name the ten countries joining the EU in May.

Royston consequently got nul points for not taking part in last week's brain teaser, which is probably about the mark if he had joined in the quiz.

Gouger Brady

BEFORE he was thrust into the Euro limelight, the previously media-hungry Royston popped his head up on Today FM radio's Ian Dempsey Breakfast Show.

After he left, staff discovered that, as he was on air talking about his favourite records, Royston had used a biro to carve his name into the timber trimming of the studio desk. The First Citizen of Dublin had gouged: "RoystoN BRADY WOZ 'ERE."

And what was Royston's well-heeled team handing out at Croke Park on Sunday? Royston Brady biros. Mind your furniture.

Looking good

ALL HUMAN LIFE is experienced on the election canvass trail, as one Sinn Féin local election candidate found out last week.

Sinéad Pembroke happens to be running in the Pembroke Ward. She was being tracked by the Irish Examiner when she came across one potential elector who was rather taken by a female Shinner with a London accent looking for votes in one of Dublin's largely well-to-do areas. Sinead's revolutionary complexion blushed a little when our gentleman voter ended their chat with: "Well, you're alright looking and you're not Fianna Fáil."

Talking about the revolution

DOWN in Dublin's Donnybrook, staunch rugger country in Dublin 4, the Sinn Féin team obviously have high ambitions if they can crack this one.

As they went from door to door, one quizzical youngster challenged the smooth-running green machine: "What ya doin?"

Instantly, the commendably ambitious reply came: "We're going to take over the country because we're tired of Fianna Fáil."

Not so much a canvass as the Long March.

Relative values

EURO Independent candidate Seanán Ó Coistin's website reveals to would-be voters that he is a cousin of Lord of the Dance, Michael Flatley.

Must be looking for the sympathy vote.