The 5th Column

Orangemen go green

IAN PAISLEY'S Independent Orange Order and their bigger brothers in the Grand Orange Lodge of Ireland have joined with local people in Meath and Louth in an all-Ireland initiative to stop a waste incinerator being built on the green, grassy slopes of the Boyne.

The Orangemen have called their cross-Border operation, 'Battle of the Boyne 2004' and have appealed to the UNESCO World Heritage Committee in Paris to have the existing international protection of the World Heritage site at Newgrange extended to include the Boyne battlefield.

The Orange Orders' submission to UNESCO raises questions about EU President Bertie Ahern's manoeuvres on the Boyne:

"The fact that the Irish Government has placed a moratorium on its original, publicly stated plans to develop an interpretative centre on the site raises important questions in relation to their commitment to a unique and healing relationship being developed between the Orange tradition and Irish nationalism."

Orange crush

WHATEVER King Bertie's intentions towards King Billy's boys and the Boyne may be, the hard-line unionist daily, the News Letter, has hailed the initiative for bringing two warring communities closer together. The News Letter's lead editorial last Saturday wrote:

"The campaign has even brought together the differing strands of Orangeism."

There's hope for the Peace Process yet.

Poll axed

THE editor of the normally balanced Dublin freesheet, The Northside/Southside People, axed an online poll about voting intentions in the June 11 elections because he didn't like Sinn Féin supporters voting.

Dublin's People papers have a fair share of readers in the community sector and are widely read by republicans and the like. When one Sinn Féin supporter tried to vote in the online poll last week, he discovered that Sinn Féin alone had first been removed from the list of parties.

The following was Editor Jack Gleeson's reply to the e-mail from our frustrated Fenian friend about the exclusion of Sinn Féin.

"Dear Robert,

"Sincere apologies. The poll has now been removed. Sinn Féin was excluded from the poll after it became clear it was being manipulated by party supporters. The poll was designed to give visitors to our website a rough idea of how Dubliners intended to vote, not to be abused by a handful of childish layabouts with far too much time on their hands."

Party supporters supporting their party? Hold the front page!

Portora Royal's suspenders

TWO sixth-form pranksters at the all-boys Portora Royal School in Enniskillen have been suspended for using a non-uniform day to turn up for lessons dressed as girls.

The school is about to hold a festival to celebrate the life of Oscar Wilde, hardly a standard bearer for conformist lifestyle. Would the school have been so snooty if the jokers had turned up wearing wigs with long curls, lace and silk stockings in the style of royal icon King Billy?

Including me out

DUP Euro candidate Jim Allister's bid to hold on to Ian Paisley's seat has three principles, two of which are:

"Keeping Unionism Ahead — Stopping republicans topping the poll.

"Delivering in Europe — Seeking a fair deal for all in Northern Ireland."

Does that "all" include those voting for Sinn Féin topping the poll?

Orange fudge

JIM ALLISTER has also been setting down other principles of DUP leadership.

"Victory for the DUP," Jim says loftily, "will ensure there will be no fudge between democracy and terror."

The Sunday Life reported at the weekend that "loyalist paramilitaries stormed out of a meeting with unionist councillors and Orange Order officials after threatening not to 'police' a contentious parade next month".

Given Jim Allister's aversion to fudge, is it safe to assume that the "unionist councillors" spoken of aren't from the ranks of the law-abiding DUP? If so, then which party were they from?

Striking from memory

SPEAKING of unionist paramilitaries, Ulster Unionist MP David Burnside took a stroll down memory lane for last week's 30th anniversary of the Ulster Workers' Council putsch.

The former UDR soldier was then a founding member of the ultra-right Vanguard movement, which had Vanguard Führer William Craig addressing Nuremburg-style rallies of hundreds of loyalist paramilitaries.

The muscle behind the so-called strike was provided by violent UDA street gangs. According to Burnside, the local UWC gauleiter in Ballymoney, though, all was sweet harmony in Paisley Country. "I did not see, and we did not use, intimidation in North Antrim."

Right, David. And UDA strikers in Antrim were taking time off from running the crèche at Mothercare.

Going overboard

JUSTICE MINISTER Michael McDowell must have been having a sly sniff of some confiscated wacky baccy this week before he went on another delusional trip about Sinn Féin.

The Witch-finder General used the piddly PDs' local election launch in Limerick to have another go at republicans, accusing Sinn Féin of all sorts of fund-raising naughtiness when SF has opened its accounts to public scrutiny but the PDs haven't!

And despite all this alleged evidence of criminality slushing around his barrister's briefs, Mary Harney's Rottweiler has singularly failed to use his position and all the resources of the state to round up the bad boys and convict them of the dark deeds he accuses them.

If Sinn Féin is such a band of brigands, why are Bertie Ahern and his Government, the British Government, the Bush regime, the Police Oversight Commissioner and PSNI Chief Constable Hugh Orde banging on week after week about the critical need for Sinn Féin to take its seats on the North's